Everything is getting harder to talk through The words where their tracks into, my mouth Tongue's too soft for calluses, so I inch my Way, around the words that make me raw The some little bit of sharp thing in me Has scraped me inside out I search my body for it I search my body for it I'm always finding a handful of words to repeat to myself A hand hold until I get out of this place I can't see through When everything unlines to look like a mess I'm not saving my place, I've been holding my breath I think I should feel pretty lucky, But I feel nothing The Pieces I'm left in Strain to be Close for comfort My fingers are so sharp and fragile So quick to dig around for hand holds When nothing says, we're even ready to leave yet Teach me how to fight for it Catch the light and send signals with it Is there, anybody out there Is there, anybody in there is there, life on mars And do I even think at all

An orange Toque, embroidered desperate a reminder These feelings might be over soon I wore it to the hospital but they still said I looked like Jesus Maybe they wouldn't now I don't know how they ever could (Know how, they could) I wear alot of floral now But not like in the seventies from a lot of different thrift stores From the far end of the knit aisle I wear a lot of masks now To keep you safe, to keep you safe look at them they are beautiful to keep you safe to keep you safe I wear a lot of masks now To keep me safe, to keep me safe Look at them they are beautiful To keep me safe, to keep me safe Maybe they wouldn't now I don't know how they ever could (Know how they could) the party started and I was still naked in my bedroom, how could I show up dressed in dread to celebrate my best friend In the first five minutes someone told me I look cute to them, thank them then feel grateful Ty then sink into your bold print The minute I Got home I ran so fast to tear off everything I was I was

Quite a ways to go It's hard to know just how long I can And I can try to know myself again Again When I've got nowhere to search I just zoom in and pull around, walk to the living room and sit back down, take a minute to turn over all the cushions There's some comfort in it But I keep looking Used to drive to the value village down the street, just to see a bunch of soft things Walked the aisles fast to save all my money I've got a little extra now but there's not much coming I'm so, good at driving I can Do it, while I'm crying i can Do it, all the way home I can Do it, just to feel alone Quite a ways to go It's hard to know just how long I can And I can try to know myself again A year can really drag you through a way that you are not And it can drag you tills those knotts all turn right into tighter knotts And if the years keep trying little ways that you don't want to be To your guts and shoulders and your jaws, your wrists, and lower back You might find it hard to see yourself You might find it hard to see yourself for what you want to be Instead of for the things that just make your life too hard instead of for the things that just make it really really hard Quite a ways to go It's hard to know just how long I can And I can try to know myself again

I can't sleep 'till I say what's wrong And I can't sat what's wrong on this website Maybe an agreement I skipped, could have taught me what to do to be seen Maybe if I posted more regularly, all my anxieties would disengage Maybe all my close friends would unfollow me, and I could follow the rest till it's over In the summer we'll go back in time To before we felt so cold and so close of light, that the candle thrown thrown walls came to bare a load too critical In the summer we won't light them anymore Last night I said I would be okay. But how long before that becomes a lie? I think I might have started losing time somewhere, a couple years in the car I used to drive. In the summer we'll go back in time To before we felt so cold and so close of light, that the candle thrown thrown walls came to bare a load too critical In the summer we won't light them anymore The light in the morning feels different Like it's trying so hard just to fill the sky Like it makes a little extra, and it has to go somewhere, and I happened to wake up at the right time It's not okay, when I'm not okay It's not okay, when I'm not okay It's not okay, when I'm not okay It's not okay, when I'm not okay

I just want to tell you everything Out live my evening demons Turn to stone when the sun strikes And then right back when you say I don't have to It's pretty hard to grow up grow up It's pretty hard to keep growing up It's pretty hard to grow up grow up It's pretty hard to keep growing up I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've I've got lots of love love, love, love love, love love And I can't act for shit love, love, love love, love love I think I am sick I always feel so out of it, love, love, love love, love love I've got lots of time time, time, time time, time time And I feel kind of off time, time, time time, time time I think I am sick I always feel so out of it, love, love, love love, love love I've been feeling, sad and lonely Now I'm growing, soft and flimsy And I'm scared of growing, so unbendy that my growth wont reach, across the edge of me How am I, apart from being hard to talk to? How am I? I'd love to take time to tell you It's pretty hard to grow up grow up It's pretty hard to keep growing up It's pretty hard to grow up grow up It's pretty hard to keep growing up I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got, I've I've got lots of love love, love, love love, love love And I can't act for shit love, love, love love, love love I think I am sick I always feel so out of it, love, love, love love, love love I've got lots of time time, time, time time, time time And I feel kind of off time, time, time time, time time I think I am sick I always feel so out of it, love, love, love love, love love Window Glass Feeling light as window glass Held every way I need at least Barrier between what has passed, and what feels cold against the surface Learning why I don't pull through A little crack makes it hard to look I want to live, to find sure footing, so I have to let them break my jaw In time, I hope I'm in time In time, I hope I'm in, I'm in, I'm in I'm in In time, I hope I'm in time In time, I hope I'm in, I'm in, I'm in I'm in In time, I hope I'm in time In time, I hope I'm in, I'm in, I'm in I'm in In the doctor's office for the wait, They tell me that this won't be the last one I'm trying hard not to loose my face, After all aren't I okay I don't remember how she said it, I think I had to pay to listen I said I understood every time But now I think I have to pay to try again The feeling of it comes down around me, and I don't even know if its mine What's the cost of agency, I don't want to have to fight for it, have to fight for it, To breath In time, I hope I'm in time In time, I hope I'm in, I'm in, I'm in I'm in In time, I hope I'm in time In time, I hope I'm in, I'm in, I'm in I'm in In time, I hope I'm in time In time, I hope I'm in, I'm in, I'm in I'm in

Everything's fed in the parking lot Little french fries for the sleepy birds I am not a guy I'm a coupe feet taller than I'd ever need to be This body feels okay but it looks the same This names pretty great but it's not all that I am So call me what you want but I don't want to feel Like, a man I'm burning though ways to put off growing up Still at least I'm pretty far from that little kid Just trying to explaining that he is nothing at all like all the other hims If we go out camping I will not tear out the lichen I don't know what you're going through but I wouldn't want to put it Through anything like that and sometimes when I'm quite I am struggling to say my self, back into the room I want to leave things, exactly as alive as when I came to them I like to think about, becoming part of them, instead of changing them If we go out camping I will not fret for the fire I'll help keep it going but I wouldn't want to feel like I have to be the one to watch it always to feel useful Sometimes when I'm quiet I am listening to(o) It's a pretty walk But it's pretty far for me Some days it feels like all the feelings Might not out live me

Feeling light as window glass Held every way I need at least Barrier between what has passed, and what feels cold against the surface Learning why I don't pull through A little crack makes it hard to look I want to live, to find sure footing, so I have to let them break my jaw In time, I hope I'm in time In time, I hope I'm in, I'm in, I'm in I'm in In time, I hope I'm in time In time, I hope I'm in, I'm in, I'm in I'm in In time, I hope I'm in time In time, I hope I'm in, I'm in, I'm in I'm in In the doctor's office for the wait, They tell me that this won't be the last one I'm trying hard not to loose my face, After all aren't I okay I don't remember how she said it, I think I had to pay to listen I said I understood every time But now I think I have to pay to try again The feeling of it comes down around me, and I don't even know if its mine What's the cost of agency, I don't want to have to fight for it, have to fight for it, To breath In time, I hope I'm in time In time, I hope I'm in, I'm in, I'm in I'm in In time, I hope I'm in time In time, I hope I'm in, I'm in, I'm in I'm in In time, I hope I'm in time In time, I hope I'm in, I'm in, I'm in I'm in

Roads like mirrors Sculpted paths less clear Can we make them make us home Cut corners off your best time The pavements gone Every block's too long Sometimes we have to stop to let it go Just to survive out on these Residential roads Your gut is out, has it all been staged Nothing's as real as the way it's breaking Can I stretch so thin, that I'm clear as ice Hanging in the window at least I look nice Directions crushed, into the sidewalk where fresh dust scatters If we leave before it warms up we can make them out But they don't lead us Just look pretty and self assured Until we come home and we see any of The directions that we marveled at Just to survive out on these Residential roads Your gut is out, has it all been staged Nothing's as real as the way it's breaking Can I stretch so thin, that I'm clear as ice Hanging in the window at least I look nice On the last street before my own As dark again as when I left I just want to be done shaking I want to feel a looser grip I want my mornings to offer A warmth they haven't in a while I want to be still with them Until they brighten Until they brighten Until they brighten Until they brighten Until they brighten Your gut is out, has it all been staged Nothing's as real as the way it's breaking Can I stretch so thin, that I'm clear as ice Hanging in the window at least I look nice

Rain over all the winter strongholds A prayer that knows just what is coming next I could take of with the fuel that these months give me Watch the weather patterns without knowing what they feel like Frequent laughter to the themes I love Soup and sappy movies may they never get too sad for you Good nights out for all the lonely schollared ones May you breath in so deeply when you can If the forces make you fight for health May they burn out trying to still you It isn't fair for you to have to fight, for everything So when you get the chance take enough to keep you full At the end of winter notice what stays hard Some of that is worth a softer season's worth of work on keep working on, keep working on, keep working on the self you want working on, keep working on what life will follow Plants enough to fill the entire house May it feel alive enough to hold you Do what you need to too keep well It's okay when that's all you can If the forces make you fight for health May they burn out trying to still you It isn't fair for you to have to fight, for everything So when you get the chance take enough to keep you full

Dark between the street lights and towering figures Driving to the winter oh oh oh They'll hold lace and liberation for us 'Till then I'm bound for thin ice I'm skating like the sun would All across the black top if it were here Right now turning is an act of forgiving myself For all of the mistakes I've made Sometimes you need a drive to make it through Sometimes you need to talk through Everything again That night the sun set in to Canmore We drove for it We were burdened but without all the harm oh oh oh I had to hide my eyes And picture faces on them What a perfect distances oh oh oh We were burdened but we didn't hurt for it Burdened but we didn't hurt for it They held lace and liberation for us What a perfect way to feel A pressure on the face beneath the cheeks oh oh oh Burdened but we didn't hurt for it Burdened but we didn't hurt for it Burdened but we didn't hurt for it Burdened but we didn't hurt for it The thinning of the thing The warmth the preservation The words you're in between

In the future that I want And the present that its based on Is there something I forgot What if anything, What if anything, What if anything, What if anything When the fear becomes its own Loss and I shut down To forget I'm in transit What if anything, What if anything, What if anything, What if anything I think I'll make, a better them A better day Feel better again I think I'll make, a better them A better day Feel better again Cause in the end it's okay, it's not okay, I'm not okay, but I'l be okay Cause in the end it's okay, it's not okay, I'm not okay, but I'l be okay Cause in the end it's okay, it's not okay, I'm not okay, but I'l be okay It's okay I'm not okay I'll be okay in the end